Random?

Just read it...just random things about me.


1) This. Is not as random as I'm trying to show it to be. As a matter of fact, it took me jolly good two hours to gather these things in my mind.


2) I just wrote 'thongs' instead of 'things' in the earlier bullet! :D


3) I really sometimes feel that my maid is a super hero in disguise. I mean works about...stealthily? Almost like she's on some secret mission.


4) My neighbor men living wali AUNTY calls me 'BILLI'! 


5) I think my best friend(s) can read my mind. O.o


6) I don't know who my best friend(s) is/are though.


7) Earlier, when I used to watch power puff girls, I would always wish that Blossom becomes bald some day. I guess I envied her!


8) I prefer guys with estrogen. (No really! I know one too!)


9) I absolutely LOVE it when people tell me I'm special(That's in a good way. Or maybe not? ) Or try to make me feel special! 


10) If you'll ever ask me what I want for my birthday present then prepare yourself for not receiving a modest, sly 'Oh nothing at all' from me!


11) I'm secretly dating BATMAN! 


12) After reading Twilight for the first time, every night I used to keep my bedroom window open in the hope that Edward might just pop in sometime!


13) I used to watch 'Kahaani ghar ghar ki' with my mother!


14) I find the word 'Cannibal' very CUTE!


15) Right now, I am seriously pissed with more than five people. That's five VERY VERY important people I'm talking about. :|


16) I find it extremely annoying when people define red nail paint as 'Slutty red'! Or denounce you as one just because you have applied it!


17) I still LOVE Barbie dolls! And hold a strong belief that they are way more AWESOME than stupid Hot-wheels! :-p


18) If things continue being so messed up in my social life as they are right now, I swear I'll start wearing a BURKHA very soon. (Thanks Prerana for the idea!)


19) My keen insights tell me that you are utterly bored. My abject requests to you to please bear with me...


20) And friend of mine and me are the rulers of a planet called POOKY!


21) POOKY exists! 


22) I just hate the word 'Literary' as I still, yeah STILL fumble over it!


23) I apparently just read the word 'Denial' As Dee-nee-al.


24) I outsmarted Master of the Universe. And that too in his own field of excellence! SCIENCEEE! :D


25) I have this friend of mine, who once said 'Pata hai, mereko jab thand lagi na toh mene apni NIKE (Special emphasis on Nike) KI JACKET aur PUMA ( Stress again) pehan liya!' 


26) If you ever ask me which is my favorite movie I'll say MUGHAL-E-AZAM! :D 


27) According to me, all dogs should be kicked out of this planet! 
X(


28) After the first time I read The Witches by Roald Dahl, I was so petrified that I started doubting even my MOTHER of being a witch and would demand her to show me her feet before coming close to me ( Those who haven't read, according to the book witches don't have toes! Just square feet!


29) I want a tamed Minotaur as my pet! :D


30) Erm.. My keen insights haven't yet provided me with something brilliant. :|


31) But hey! I think Snow Whit is prettier than Cinderella! ;)


32) I LOVE POKEMON! Yeah even NOW! Gotta catch 'em all POKEMON!
Team Rocket! Jiglee puff! Misty! (Not Ash! :p)


33)  I'm often made fun of among girls because I watch Dragon Ball-Z. Well I wont say I don't care. Its sad but then hey! It's much much MUCH better than what they watch! (Paris Hilton's new BFF- and doesnt even stand for Big Friendly Giant which is a book name by Roald Dahl! Oggy and the cockroaches! Bleh.)


And if you are still reading then you seriously deserve a BIG HUG! :D
And you can breathe out your sigh of relief because I don't know  what else to write. So I'm stopping!
:D


Ciao!

Its the card I recently made for Prerana! :)

Wedding daze...

Dear diary,

As the day of my uncle's wedding is drawing closer, my mother's shopping plans are jumping to the height of recklessness. I swear. It's not like I mind it though. For there's one thing that you can always count on me when it comes to taking over the up roaring shopping streets bustling with life. But thats another story. 

We definitely don't want me to start with the shopping mania tales.

So my mother. Yes her preparations are steadily rising to a fervor  I have never witnessed ever before. 

What mad me realize this happened only yesterday...

I received a text message from my friend at noon asking me to come for an ice cream and a quick stroll for 'serious' matters were needed to be discussed. She needed my help. And not paying heed to it is rightly considered as an action incompatible with the claim to be a FRIEND. So I was on my feet the very next moment.

But. Naturally, first I had to inform my mother about it.

I ambled to her room where she sat surrounded by numerous sarees and cloth materials. In all vibrant shades- glistening and glittering. The sequins formed dancing patterns. She was perched right in the center, sewing the hem of a garment. There seemed a cynical touch in her eyes. She looked up at me and gave me a tired smile.

I staggered a little on seeing her smile like THAT. And then told her about my noble plan.

She listened patiently.

'...So I'll be back by an hour' I said. She didn't say a word- her head still bobbed in her work. I decided that I had done the essential of informing her and turning on my heels, I started walking out of the room. And thats when I received the rudimentary remark I had been anticipating from her. 'Haan go. But you'll acquire a tan under the sun. And then you won't look pretty on shaadi day .' My eyebrows knitted together in heavy disapproval of her remark. But it will be a height of rashness to give her an inkling of the disapproval which blazed inside me. And so with a sigh I left.

Now. That was the end of that. The first incident.

Skipping on to today now.

In the afternoon my mother came to my room her hands full of shopping bags. I looked up from the book I was reading and gave her an inquiring look. She smiled ruefully and gestured my to leave the book. Still confused I got up from my bed. 

'These. are for you. All of these. For every rasm of the marriage. I have bought you matching jewelery too. Chalo beta get up and try it on. I have to make sure that you look perfect. And so we'll have to see if any alterations are required.' I gaped at her in horror. Agreed that I love shopping. But this was going to the very extremes now. 

'oho beta get up. What are you thinking! You have to try the nikah wala dress first. Thats very important.....'

I swallowed my despair. And reluctantly got up...

Really. What I want now is the marriage to get over as soon as possible. Mummy and her jitters are really bothering me.

Oh great. As I'm writing this there she walks in my room again this time her hands holding on to umpteen bangle bunches. For there to prevail peace at home either of us really needs to come in terms with the other person's wishes. I think I have to go.

I'll try writing to again only if my hands survive this torment. 

-Zahra.

A rainy day...

I remember:

waking up to the sound of thunder rumbling and cracking outside. I remember get hurt on my toe as I sprinted off my bed to go outside. And my tiny little toe still throbs in pain. I remember shielding my eyes from the sudden light I had welcomed myself to. I remember the rush of cool and gentle breeze which  caressed my face and and made my hair fly in every direction. I remember the giggle that escaped my throat when my hair tickled my neck. It felt wonderful. 

Then. I remember seeing my mother frantically scurrying around the balcony in haste of picking up the dried clothes while murmuring something . I remember how I decided on not to help her and enjoy the commotion. I remember noticing my father sitting in a corner- lost in the newspaper seeming unaware of the nature's delight. And oh yes. I do remember frowning a little on seeing him like that. But I also remember seeing his face hidden behind the newspaper- the pleasant smile which spread across his lit up face.

I remember seeing the trees sway to the rhythm of the wind. Congregating  as they danced in joy. I remember the the sound of birds, singing to the winds in delight. And the one I saw perched on a corner who fluttered its water drenched wings sprinkling tiny drops of water around, I remember that too. 

And I remember the rich earthen scent of wet clods of mud wafting in the air too. I remember how I puffed my lungs and inhaled the intoxicating fragrance smiling exuberantly to it all. I touched the leaves of the plants which were adorned with crystal like pristine raindrops and traced the patterns it formed. 

I remember the feeling of fresh drops against my skin. The coolness and purity of it penetrating inside me, piercing through and touching my soul.... It was beautiful.

I remember it all....

I remembering it all as I sit here the next day under the scorching and scathing sun...

Blonde confessions.

Dear diary,

Today's day was very mast yaar. What to tell man. You know I had posted a picture on fb, badi mast see thee. It was like you know I was like smiling and I has my hair on my face. Woh I got them pressed na. So they were looking like awesome. And the pout was also very mast. And you know how many likes i had gotten? 50! Bhai, Kummoo( arey Kaveri!) got like so jealous! I mean woh style wala jealous. I was like smiling to myself . And even mochoo( I mean Pari) loved it man. she wrote: Lady!!! you!!! OMG OMG OMG! Hott hai yaar!'

I'm telling you na yaar. Aj toh mazaa he agaya. 

Btw I am not going for my tutions today. Arey its raining na. So like if I go out my hair will get all like spoiled you know. So yaa. I'm not be going.

Oye! Text agaya. Oh tulli ka hai(arey Tamaya!) 

So I will like go now. I should also go and check my fb account from my BB and see who else has liked my dp. 

Chalo then. I'm toh going.

Muuaahhh! :*

Asshhu.( My baby woozie oozy calls me that na!)

Disowned.

Yesterday was supposed to be very exciting. I had been looking forward to yesterday since day before yesterday. I don't have many relatives living in Delhi. Actually, I don't have any relatives at all. Certainly not after yesterday. So what was special about yesterday was that my sister who is no longer my sister was supposed to visit me. And stay till tomorrow, that is, today. 
Till before I knew she was to visit me I was as active as Peter Griffin.(certainly not as fat though.) But when the news did reach my ears I sprang to life. I leaped and dwiddled and pissshhed and swooshed around in ecstasy. You see I love her. Oh wait scratch that. LOVED her. 
So the call I received from her day before yesterday night was the best thing that had happened to me since a very long time. I lay wide awake in my bed, planning feverishly for the morrow. I couldn't sleep. For a VERY long time. But finally sleep did descend upon me. My last waking thought was: Tomorrow, beta. tomorrow.


Then. After a night's restless sleep came yesterday. 
And today, the after the yesterday which I had been waiting for like crazy day before yesterday, I am bound to admit that I hate my sister. I really do. Well not for the obvious reasons like she didn't come or something. Or because she came very late or something like that. Oh wait. That is actually a countable reason. See? 
So. Reasons why I have decided to disown my sister:


1) She came late. VERY late. Yesterday morning when I was to wake up(11:30 A.M), she was supposed to be already there! Well. she wasn't. (Thinking it aint too big a reason for exhibiting such vehemence towards her? wait tell you hear the rest of it!)
2) She wasn't the first thing I saw in the morning. Bearable. I decided to be patient. So like a good girl, I brushed my teeth. washed myself. Then like a better girl I curtly had my breakfast and helped mummy in the kitchen. She wasn't there yet. Then like a very good girl I did away with my homework. ALL of my homework, which took almost all of the afternoon. And no. She wasn't there. I saw the clock, 4:30. flaring my nostrils, I stomped on my bed. I fell asleep.


Now at the point of time, I was almost adamant on killing her. But the only thing that held me from dotting that doddering thing was that. When I woke up from my slumber she was there. As I rubbed my eyes, I heard faint noises coming from downstairs. It was her, all right. I face lit and I ran downstairs. On my way I thought of how she'd be waiting for me. Her arms held out to unite me into a warm hug...But On reaching there, I froze. 


Now for the biggest reason of all. The one which nearly drove to perform a grisly murder was:


That


she


3) Brought her DOG along with her. ( No, I mean an ACTUAL doggie with haggard eyes. Droopy ears, and saliva dripping from its tongue.) 


Yes. Instead of her arms held up high for me, they were busy scratching or tickling the ears of a little fur ball.
She knows that I absolutely detest dogs. I don't find them cute. Not even one bit. I in a way repel them too. But still she decides to bring one along with her to my house. Downright pathetic. 


Well I guess the effects of the turmoil which was running inside me were clear on the outside because as soon as she saw me standing there with raging eyes, she let go of the hound quickly and gave me a meek smile.


It took her a lot to make me forgive her for what she had done. In the beginning whenever she tried to give me an explanation, what she got in return were scathing looks. However, gradually her pleas penetrated in my skull and I melted a little at first. And then when she brought about the sumptuous chocolate gateau in front of my eyes- the ire vanished completely...


Confused? Theres more you see.


So after the merry time we all had talking, laughing and enjoying delicious food and cake we retired for bed. All this while the ugly doggie was tied in another room. It's occasional barks and growls did make me wince and the anger did claw inside me, but the mere sight of the cake which was placed gloriously on the table made me forget it all. And by the end of this joyful meeting I my head was bobbing in sleep. 
My sister was sleeping with me in my room and so was the beast- a compromise I had to make. I was too sleepy any way so it did not bother me that much. 
My last waking memory: I had my hands wrapped around my sister and was smiling to myself. 


I woke up in the middle of the night sometime with a vague feeling of  that someone was rumbling violently in rage. Like a thunder storm...But. I realized as soon as the mists of my sleep were cleared that the noise was not a violent break out. It was someone snoring. Snoring so loud that I was certain that if the lights were on I would see the the plaster of my walls peeling off. 
It was that little monstrous dog.
 Cotton plugs, pillows not even the quilt plopped on my ears helped. And I have been awake ever since.

So yes. I have no relatives in Delhi anymore.

Futile attempts...

           It isn't life which weighs us down - Its the way we carry it.


I heard the sound of rain pattering on my window as I got ready to hit the sack. In front of the mirror I sat, trying to untangle the punitive snarls my hair had acquired during the day. It turned out to be a futile attempt. But anything. to keep me distracted. I gave up and made my way towards the bed. And naturally  I was asleep within two minutes.
It was morning already. The sunlight streaming through the window- lingered on my face. I cringed my eyes and propped a pillow on my face. 'too early'- I muttered to myself, and tossed, averting myself from the light. Futile again. I knew that sleep had abandoned me- as I lay wide awake, staring at the wall.
There, on that wall hung my world. Captured, conjured and desired. The faces in the snapshots smiled at me exuberantly. Clearly some were frowning too. But they were my people. and then there were my paintings. Most of them precarious of themselves- meaningless. while some were a mere illustration of my wishes. I talk of the one in which I stood smiling gleefully next to batman. This was my world.
With these people, it wasn't about trying to belong to them or to their world-trying to fit. But. this was a world which belonged to me. They were a part of me. 
Then why...?
I lay there- absolutely motionless, contemplating. The noise of birds chirping the song of a new day came into the room mixed with the purrs of car engines rearing with life as the glided past. Everything seemed...complacent. I decided to get up. Sitting there, I scrutinized my room.
right across me sat a chair which was guzzled with heaps of clothes. On to its right was sprawled a mighty bookshelf full of my treasures. I observed the perfectly aligned books with a gap between them here and there. I noticed the strips and sheets of paper perched or pinned in between anything and everything. Reminders, notes or more of my drawings, they were. I also spotted a page from my mother's recipe book which I had surreptitiously torn off  in order to ready a birthday cake for her. 
Smiling, I cocked my head to the other side of the room . One of the vibrantly covered doors of my closet was open, to which were clinging a few blouses of mine. I heaved an involuntary sigh. Contributing to this mess,  were my 'cosmetics' which were strewn across the dressing table. 
I huffed. This room, I thought, was due for cleaning since eons. I tried setting it into order the other day-futile attempt it was.
As I sat there running my hands through my hair, my gazed dropped on them.
They were stacked together in a pile which lay in the farthermost end of the table. I felt the absurd pain which sprang in the pit of my stomach. The sight those letters, his letters unearthed all the pain. I felt the staggering grief gripping me slowly. It crawled over from the toes of my feet till the crown of my head- washing away all other emotions.
I wrapped my arms around myself...trying to hold on. How long has it been since that happened? Months.
I could hear my heart thudding against the rib cage, I hold on to my self tighter. With every bit of determination I had at my disposal, I ripped my gaze from those envelopes. I inhaled a deep breath as I got out of the bed. Standing there in the middle of my room wondering how it had taken every ounce of my conscience and willpower to build a mental block in my brain- barring the forbidden  memories which were now sprouting again in my mind. But of course. It was a futile attempt.


Still wrapped on to myself, I ambled to the side table. I picked up the bottle of sleeping pills from it and hid it under my mattress. And with that I made way out of the room to make another futile attempt on life.

Suit yourself a title...

As the unremitting sky was mottled by shroud blackness and the day came to a halt, I sat there in my room in the horrendous heat with three more chapters to finish off. I was worried. Really worried. But not about the untouched, remaining chapters but, about my hair. Yes, the fact that my hair hadn’t been washed in two days disturbed me greatly. What will people say when they’ll see me with such hair?

 “How can I possibly go to school with such hair?” I frowned at myself in the mirror while constantly fidgeting with them- which seemed to me a total wreck. “I’m definitely not going to school like this. I’ll wash th-”

“- no you will not wash them and shall be going to school tomorrow like this” Startled, I spun around to see it was only mom standing at the door. “You washed them only two days back and certainly can’t wash them in such small intervals” she said. “But mom! I can’t! They are all terribly messed up!” I protested. “Beta, yes you can and you will. Just make sure that you don’t out those horrible locks of yours and you’ll be just fine.” I grimaced at this, however, ignoring this she continued-“Now, it’ll be better if you get back to your studies for you have a test to write tomorrow” “ b-b-utt mama!” I groaned. “No more of this, Anshuli. Tell me, are you through with your entire course?” she asked with a slight severity in her voice. Sheepishly I replied-“umm..Yes..I’m just left with three more chapters.

“THREE MORE CHAPTERS!!??” she boomed. “And YOU stand here in front of the mirror bickering about your hair?? Now Anshuli, this just too much. DO YOU REALIZE HOW IMPORTANT THESE STUDIES ARE?? Your future, your career, your everything dep

“-Alright, alright I’m getting back to it. Stop shouting.” I moaned. “Well, you better do that” she replied and without another word left the room. Arrgh! Why is mama so protective?? It’s not like im going bald! And ‘horrible locks’ is what she calls them. I’m pretty sure that in her days she also must have been a one conscious girl. I mean who isn’t? Shweta’s mum doesn’t stop her from looking pretty! And without reading another word from the book 

I straight away hopped onto my bed, still furious over what had happened. But my trains of thoughts were disturbed. But not any outside elemental disturbance but my own mind play caused the static. A really weird thought rammed into my mind. “I know-I’ll show mom” I told myself. “When I shall be the mother of two kids, when I will have a daughter, she will love me. For I will be the ‘super cool’ mom” I knew that I talked funny, but I liked it. It made me feel better…still busy in my thoughts I didn’t realize when drowsiness took control and sleep dawned upon me. Soon I was in my happy world…lost in my dreams.

“Mama! I’m home, and guess what? I am really hungry! Lunch time!” I said while making my way into the house. I kept my bag on a chair and stood in front of the mirror, again. A ping of despair gripped me on seeing my hair. I had tried everything, but they weren’t washed so no point. But never mind. School was still fine. And I will anyway wash them today, no matter what. So, humming merrily I went to the dining hall, my stomach growling in hunger. Mama was right there too, making chapattis. On seeing me she gave me a warm smile and said “Hello beta. Food for you is ready. But first, do tell me how your test was?” I stiffened a bit on my chair. I wanted to avoid this question but now? “Well, yes ‘twas…good” I made sure that I don’t look into her eyes, I just couldn’t. So I started playing with the water- bottle cap. “Oh. That’s good beta.” She said with a smile. This did it. My stomach suddenly gave a big lurch. It was a strange feeling. Guilt perhaps? Whatsoever it was I ignored it. I had my lunch, changed my clothes and like everyday- hopped in front of the computer. 

It was time for some ‘facebooking’. Minutes, probably hours must have passed when I heard the phone go tring- tring. I decided to take the call but then heard mum answering it. Must be shweta I thought. Because she usually calls at this hour. So I just sat there on my computer seat and waited for mama to call for me. Seconds ticked off but no call.

 Strange. None of mama’s friend calls on the residence number. It has to be mine. But then why isn’t she calling me? I decided to check for what’s wrong. On reaching the drawing room I found mama still holding the receiver talking to someome… talking to shweta! “…Oh Shweta, I’m afraid but she cannot make it…yes. Actually you see it’ll get pretty late…” I stood still, befuddled. What was she talking about? “…all right beta…thankyou. Take care. Bye” she said and then hung up. “Who was it mom?” I asked her questioningly.  “It was shweta, she was inviting you to go along with her to some party. But I told her already that you can’t come because it is a late night party and_”

“-And what?” I snapped back. She seemed a bit surprised to hear me speaking to her like this.” And it is not safe. You are too young to attend such parties.” She said. On hearing this I was agitated. How could she? “MOM! You didn’t even let me speak to her! She’s my friend!” I boomed. She just looked up at me from her magazine again and said” yes I do know that she is your friend but you are my daughter. And what’s the point of you talking to her when you already know that you wouldn’t be allowed to go, so I thought…” “-WHAT? Mum since when have you been given the right to make all the decisions of my life, for me?” I didn’t care about how impudent I sounded. this had done it-and I was shrieking. “Anshuli, that right rests with me since the day I gave birth to you. I think you’re forgetting that I’m your mother.”

 I could feel the rise in temper and sternness rising in her voice. “But that doesn’t mean that you stop me from enjoying my life! That’s not mothers are there for, are they? A mother is supposed to be a daughter’s best friend mama. Tell me, are you playing the role of a best friend? I think not!” I yelled back. “ mom, do you ever realize that even I want to live happily, that even I want to enjoy some freedom? And we all know that I am old enough to decide of what’s good or bad for me!” as soon as these words came out of my mouth my wrath started diminishing and transforming into staggering despair and I had tears in my eyes. All this while she just kept looking at me intensely. After a minute’s silence she sighed and said “well. If that is what you think then I can’t help it. But all I can tell you is that what you think is absolutely wrong. You still are a kid and don’t understand.”

“Plea-please mom” I chocked and with a great thud threw myself on the floor. Seeing this she tried to unite my in a hug but I backed off. I could see the shell- shocked expression on her face but I didn’t care. I was right. “Anshuli, beta listen to me” she spoke in tears. “ I love you beta. And I don’t want you to be unhappy in your life. But you do need to understand. Whatever I do- I do for your own good beta. I don’t despise you. You’re my child, I REALLY care for you…” I could sense the difficulty she was facing in saying all this but I didn’t even dare to look at her for I knew that If I did I would be easily convinced. But I was determined this time

.” Look beta you are just too young right now…” she continued. “That party is not a safe place for you to be at-especially at night. Anything can happen to you” on hearing these words my head jerked upward and I looked at her. “PARTY? It isn’t only about the party mama- but it’s just everything! You have a problem with all my habits, all the things I do!” I was standing now. “‘don’t sit like that, don’t talk like that’, ‘why do you put kaajal, why is your hair like this’, why this- why that…god!” I shrieked a few octaves higher. “I’m not allowed to go anywhere, you don’t like my friends, you don’t like me talking on the phone to anyone! All you want me to do is study. Study and study the whole day and be your daughter- the perfect grade scorer! Tell me mama, is this all my life is about?? NO! Its not!” I fumed. I felt the heat on my cheeks, the rush of anger in my veins. But all mama did was turn her back towards me and quietly said-“you are not going and that’s all” “FINE” I yelled. “Now leave me alone” I screamed at her and ran from the room, with eyes from which tears were flowing relentlessly now. I ran up the stairs, to my room and bolted the door shut and locked it form inside.

 I was all alone on now. And so my dirge exploded- I sat down on the bed, crying. Trying to comprehend what all happened. For a minute I think I had heard a thud on my door- a really soft knock perhaps but since I didn’t hear any further noise I concluded that it was just my head playing tricks on me. And I was more than glad to know that she wasn’t coming here after me. I didn’t want to see her face. Still breathing hard and drenched in tears I got up and started pacing all over my room, thinking. “I will show her- my time shall come…I’ll be the super cool mom.” I kept telling myself again and again. I wanted to keep my emotions firmly under my control and so to distract myself I switched out the television. After changing the channels in haze for about ten minutes,

 I gave up. It wasn’t helping. Slowly, rising form my bed, I made my way to the conspicuous window. With my mind still swirling with thoughts I was trying to fight and reason with, with questions to which I wanted answers, it was difficult to concentrate on the scene outside. And so it seemed a really morbid look-right to me. 

With a great sigh I turned back and decided to go to the kitchen and fetch my self something to eat for realization struck me that my stomach was growling. As I passed through the drawing room I saw mama sitting on the couch, reading a newspaper. As I passed she didn’t bother to look up but I can swear that I saw her eyes twitch for half a second. Not bothering to make something for myself, I just grabbed the leftover dinner rolls and went straight back to my room. Eating was a great help. And slowly, slowly my thoughts started breaking past the wall of pain- I was helpless. For I had no choices but just live this way. I was living a tormented life and will have to for the rest of my life.

 Despair gripped me; there was no bargain to this, nothing I could offer to get out if this. For today, I was just relieved that the fight was over, for now. But little did I know that this was just a beginning. As days, weeks and years passed, every tick of the clock brought up new differences between me and mama- new reasons to fight to interpret. New reasons to lament and to curse my luck arose. However time doesn’t stop for anyone and so life went on. Many things changed. I changed but one thing remained the same, I was still determined. I had to show my mother what a real mother should be like. She shall see and realize how wrong she was. She’ll see me- the super cool mom. My time was yet to come

                                                                               ***

“Mom, I am going- I shall be back by seven thirty in the evening alright?” she said as she entered the room in her best outfit, wearing an exuberant smile on her face. I simply looked up at her and said “now Sarah, make sure you are not late and don’t forget to call me as soon as you reach and yes! Be careful!”

“- arey mama, relax. Don’t be so worried. I promise I will take care” she said, frowning. I gazed up at her, half worried and half nostalgic-remembering something, remembering myself…”MOM? MOM? Are you listening?” startled I snapped back into reality, after a minute’s daze I looked up at her, in her eyes full of concern. “Mama are you okay?” she asked. I gave her a reassuring smile and replied “yes beta. I’m absolutely fine. You just take care of yourself.” She sighed but then smiled and said “don’t worry mama, I’ll be all well” and with a last glimpse in the mirror she left.

Yes. My time has finally arrived. And now that it has come, 

I sit here wondering that was it just me who was like that or is everyone? I sit her, remembering someone- who just like I am sitting right now, once sat with the same concern and love in her eyes for her daughter- for me. I wanted to be a super cool mother and there. 

Here is what I am. Just the same of what she was. It’s funny how life plays its games on us. Till just a few years back I used to think that whatever she did- the way she had put so many restrictions on me was just because she didn’t want to see me happy. But now I know why she did all that-to make me what I am- a capable and a successful person and a ‘super cool’ mother, just like her own self. Sitting here now, when I remember all those little things, all I can do is manage a feeble smile to spread over my face. But inside, my heart swells with a hybrid of guilt, love, respect and enormity. 

My superwoman.

No seriously, that is MY MOM. :)

Beautiful.

Crouched she was on the front seat of somebody's car while I, stood there- watching her beautiful self. Her hair were tied into a lose plat which hung on her waist. her fluid green eyes were set upon something distant- something which I could'nt see.
Every time I took notice of her face, a twinge of jealousy stifled inside me for me, despite having the same blood flowing in my veins as hers was not bequeathed with a face so pretty. Yes. she was my mother. My very beautiful maa. 
Standing there under the acknowledgeable shade of the tree I thought of how my insides are gushed with warmth at her sight. Just a mere sight could do that to me. And they say that only guys have the power to make a girls stomach flutter, I mused . The corners of mouth twitched into a smile. I waved at her. she turned her head towards me with surprised eyes, as if, my gesture had pulled her out of a reverie of thoughts. Her bewildered gazed stood upon me for a while.


 I smiled wider. She snapped out- enormity dawning upon her and her features rearranged- her face composed and serene. Her alabaster like skin, etched with wrinkles which made her look only more cuter, I saw. Upon her smooth skin were carved her perfect feautures, along with her round cheeks which were tainted with a pink hue- along each side of her lips which were always in the cusp of breaking into a lovely smile.Every bit of her face, of herself radiated love and warmth. and then there were those distinct eyes- gleaming with the light of knowledge. and yet. smoldering with fierce love. Those eyes. They spoke to me. Yes. She was beautiful. 


 I stood there, imprinting her face in my mind under the moonlit sky when a gentle breeze blew- making my     hair fluttering and swishing along, covering my face. I clucked my tongue in irritation and vehemently started moving the hair away from my eyes.this. Amused her. and she smiled wryly at me. I propped my hands against my chest and stared at her. again. And thats when I saw the difference.

I saw it. Behind the veil of beauty. There was something about her smile- it didn't reach her eyes. And as for her eyes. They spoke to me, yes. But they foretold and revealed the pain hidden behind them. Those eyes...they were almost writhing in pain. Her gazed pierced my heart.

My smile faltered.

But what was more was the finality I saw in them. Like the ultimate of something. Like a...goodbye. And thats when I saw a tear trickle down her eye. She was crestfallen.I inhaled a breath of shock. She was leaving. Going away.
Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. Gasping I spun around only to see it was daddy. Finally. Now he will stop maa. I looked over him expectantly. He stood right next to me. His mouth pressed into a hard line. His eyebrows knitted together.
The words got caught in my throat, and the blood slithered down from my face as the realisation struck me. He wont stop her of course. he WANTS her to leave. 

For a moment I stood there. frozen to the ground. I have to stop her.I frantically shoved away my father's rigid hand and turned to face maa again. She. was already gone. Gliding away.. farther and farther. Fusing with the darkness of the night. I tried to run after her but couldnt move a muscle. I stood there... shrieking

Thats when my eyelids fluttered open and I wrenched up in my bed, screaming. My throat felt raspy as I tried to suck in air. Nightmare.

Mind has dredged up the things exactly what I had been trying so desperately to avoid. I sat at the foot of my bed uneasily, certain of not getting anymore sleep. Thinking of that beautiful face...

I'll try my best to explain you why I'm here. :)

My humble greetings to Bloggers, non bloggers and...erm.

Okay wait. Scratch that.

<TAKE 2>

Heeeelllllooooooooo Folks!

Look who's here? Yeah! Its meee!

Hey! Stop making such disgusting faces alright? I'll try again.

<TAKE3> (And probably the final one)

Hey. 

Lately, strange things have happened with me. VERY strange. Well yeah I am in a way accustomed to strange occurrences on a daily basis but this. This. Beta this was the mother of all such gruesome-strange things...Almost disconcerting.

So it happened that one fine as I sat in the dining room, sipping tea...WHAT? Too theatrical? I think so too.

Ugh. Listen then. 

I was thirsty. I decided to fetch myself a glass of water. And I did so. I grabbed a bottle for the fridge, poured the water in the glass and drank it. Then, I smacked my lips with my tongue in satisfaction and kept the bottle back inside. there arranged on the fridge were magnets scattered everywhere.(I have a Sponge Bob one too!)

So, I decided to arrange them in a straight line. I was almost done, when I came across these two black blobby magnets which had their polarities reversed or something.( Correct me if I'm wrong) But whatever glitch it was- it made it impossible for me to arrange them together, next to each other in a straight line. Because every time I tried doing so, one of them jumped away. HOW ANNOYING! I kept trying but those stupid stubborn things never put up a very very tough fight. and thats when I said ' How more annoying could you get? Can't you just stick together? Idiots'  I was talking to inanimate objects. NOT a very good sign.

 I stood there for a while, still trying. But then I just had to give up on my attempt to try to defy scientific principles. I placed them away from each other. 'FINE. Be like this'- I muttered. Holy crap! I was talking to non-living things! 

This was the first of many more times I found my self to be indulged into 'nonchalant'  talks.

And the reason for this? Could be many, And so I decided to look for myself some source of distraction from  whatever reason I'm losing my mind.

So tell me. Is blogging a good idea? 

Bored? Oh common! Okay. You know what? Here:

Hi. I'm zoya. I have decided to blog. So welcome me.but you could still ignore my meaningless posts. 

With this ends my very first entry to my blog.

Much love,

Zoe.